Friday, April 30, 2010

April Wrap-up: I Did It!!!

I did it! I've posted every day in April and written a poem every day. I finished both challenges and I'm very proud of myself. I have a bad habit of sometimes starting things that I don't finish so I feel pretty good about this.

One of the things I wanted to do in April was to simplify my life. I've made a few changes but still need to work on this. Right now I have 392 feeds in my Google Reader. That's down from over 500 at the beginning of the month. These are all blogs and news feeds and while they are interesting it becomes overwhelming at times. Part of the problem is I want to keep up with them on a daily basis. Which is why I'm in front of the computer all day. I'm going to work on reducing the number further in May.

The other thing I'm trying to do is keep my computer off one day a week. I decided on Sunday and for the last three Sundays tried with varying degrees of success to keep the computer off. The first Sunday I left it off until 7:30 pm. The second I managed to leave it off all day but kept checking my iPhone for email and looking online a time or two. Last Sunday I gave in early and had it on most of the day. Wow, there are five Sundays in May! I'm going to leave it off entirely on each one. I'd like to say I'll leave my phone off but I'm not sure I can go that far yet. As I read what I just wrote it kind of sounds like the computer is in control and not me. I'm afraid that may be true. . .

I don't think I'm going to commit to posting every day in May. I'm going to plan to but I don't want the commitment hanging over my head right now. Maybe in June (notice how I go for the shorter months!).

I read 12 books and went to the library three times. Hmm, usually I go four times. Oh well I guess that's ok. I read a bunch of mysteries this month. One I especially enjoyed, The Stargazey by Martha Grimes. She writes a series about a Scotland Yard Inspector, Richard Jury. I love British mysteries and have picked up one of hers a time or two in the past but never read it. Fortunately I finally read one and I loved it! The Stargazey is the 15th in the series. I've requested the first one from the library and I'm going to start from the beginning and read them all.

The Literary Gardener – Walter Chandoha
The Two Towers – J.R.R. Tolkien Book
The Return of the King – J.R.R. Tolkien
The Children of Hurin – J.R.R. Tolkien
Evidence – Jonathan Kellerman
Shooting Gallery – Hailey Lind
Deadly Advice – Roberta Isleib
Homicide in Hardcover – Kate Carlisle
Asking for Murder – Roberta Isleib
The Stargazey – Martha Grimes
Imagined London – Anna Quindlen
The Gutenberg Elegies – Sven Birkerts

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Poem in Your Pocket Day

Today is Poem in Your Pocket Day!  Hopefully you all picked out a poem and are carrying it around with you to share with people. I put mine on my phone, pretty clever huh! Anyway . . . here is my pocket poem. It's been one of my favorites for years and I hope you all enjoy it. If you have a poem to share I'd love to hear what it is!

The Lake Isle of Innisfree
William Butler Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee;
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Online Privacy

Ok, today I'm just going to indulge myself and rant a little bit. I read a lot of blogs and a lot of stuff about social media. Last week Facebook made some changes to their policies and people have been talking about online privacy a lot. I have some pretty definite ideas about that so I'm going to throw in my two cents worth.

First here are a couple of posts you might find interesting: the first one is from Scott Monty who is the head of social media for Ford Motor Company. He discusses what the changes are and shares some links to read more. The second post is from Robert Scoble, a pretty well-known blogger and author. I generally find myself agreeing with stuff he says (I'm sure that's a big relief for him). One thing that Scoble says is that the last bastion of privacy is consent; the ability to control your story.

To me this means you watch what you share. If it's something that you don't want known, don't put it someplace where it can be seen. Is Facebook infringing on privacy? Personally I don't think so. If you sign-up for a Facebook, or any social media account, and start posting you've voluntarily given up control over what you post. Maybe you thought only your friends would see it, maybe you don't want it shared with other companies but I find that a rather naive idea. As I've said in my Facebook posts numerous times, I believe that the term online privacy is a contradiction. You do have some control over what you share but, in my opinion, if you put something online you should always assume that it can be seen by anyone.

Facebook gives you some control over what you share. Personally I have my privacy controls set so that most of my information is available to anyone. I do hide my phone number but that's actually pretty pointless because if someone wants it bad enough they'll find it. Anyway I have caller ID, I just won't answer the phone! But the interesting thing is that I consider myself to be a fairly private person. I share a lot on Facebook and in this blog and it's open to the world as far as I'm concerned. I have another blog where I keep track of eating and exercise. Only a handful of people have access to that blog because I put things there that are more personal. However, I also am aware that there is a possibility someone could see it and I'm ok with that. What I seriously want to keep private I don't post and I don't tell anyone. It stays in my head. You know what they say about two people keeping a secret.

There are things we all would like to keep secret. A good start is not to post them online. I have put things online that I'd probably be embarrassed if some people saw. But I did it for valid reasons and I thought about it beforehand and figured I'd live with any embarrassment. (And don't bother looking, I'm excellent at covering my tracks.) But I think the key point is to think it through first. If you post a picture of yourself naked (no I didn't do that!) I think that's fine so long as you're willing to accept the consequences which could range from your family seeing it to losing your job. It's like anything in life, you think about the consequences and make your decision. Of course the problem is that we often do things on and off-line without thinking about the consequences. I think that's called gaining experience.

I have what I think is a very clever analogy about privacy. My living room window looks out onto a walkway which my neighbors use. I have blinds at the window which I keep open most of the day. Anyone can look into my living room and I'm ok with that. Mostly people walk past and deliberately don't look because we all want to respect our neighbor's privacy. But if they do look and I'm doing something embarrassing I have no right to complain they violated my privacy. I opened the blinds and by doing that I invited them in. When I close the blinds, I have a reasonable expectation of privacy. If you post something online you've opened the blinds and have lost the right to complain if someone looks. I don't think that companies like Facebook are obligated or even able to provide you that reasonable expectation of privacy. Banks, government agencies and other organizations that deal with financial and other sensitive information can't even do that. Credit card information is routinely hacked.

My neighbors probably aren't interested in what I'm doing. Even if they are, they have to see me at the mailbox or in the parking lot so they consciously try not to look. Online there aren't any inhibitors. We, and I freely admit to being very nosy, can look without consequence at who other people are.

My final thought (this post got a little long) is that the idea of privacy is kind of silly. Historically when people lived in small villages and towns everyone knew what their neighbors were doing. The Internet is just a large village that's getting smaller everyday. Post what you want but always do it with the assumption that if it's embarrassing the person you'd least want to see it will be the first one to find it. That's a pretty safe way to live your online life I think.

Quick update: My blog posts automatically post to my Facebook account also. I had to go in and delete this post because I made a grammatical error and I wanted it corrected. That's the kind of thing I find embarrassing and want to keep private!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

More Poems

This is a short post today but I posted twice yesterday so I guess that's ok! Besides I was seriously traumatized at 4:00 am and still haven't recovered. The cats woke me up and I went into the bathroom and there was a gigantic bug in my bathtub. I have no idea what it was but it was seriously large - at least 3 inches I think. I stood there kind of petrified for a minute trying to decide what to do. I considered screaming but didn't think my neighbors would appreciate it much. Finally I turned on the bathtub and washed it down the drain. Whatever kind of bug it was, it was fairly slow fortunately. I let the water run for a bit and then put a pan over the drain so it couldn't crawl back up and get me.

You're perhaps catching on that I don't like bugs! Especially huge ones. Anyway I didn't sleep very well after that because I was afraid it would crawl back up and move the pan or else had companions lurking elsewhere in the apartment. I think I need a bug exterminator. Ah well, on to the poems!

Today's poems are by Edna St. Vincent Millay. Thursday, the 29th, is Poem in Your Pocket Day! Select a poem, carry it with you and share with everyone on that day. These are both short and easily shared!

First Fig
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light!



Second Fig
Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand:
Come and see my shining palace built upon the sand!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Just a couple of things

Wake up, Robin! Remember what excites you. Think of these things, those friends, and the adventures that can be yours. Focus. Care. Fantasize. Imagine. It's all so near. Speak as if you're ready. Paste new pictures in your scrapbook, on your vision board, and around your home and office. Physically prepare for the changes that you wish to experience in your life. You've done this before. You know it works. You're due for an encore. It's time to amaze. That's why you're there. And it's why I'm here, The Universe

That's what the Universe told me this morning. Right now I'm kind of feeling like maybe it really knows what it's talking about. Let's hope so.

On another note: One of my cats is famous! Well sort of famous. About.com has a cat newsletter that I subscribe to and they were accepting submissions for Tuxedo cats so I sent in pictures and a write-up about Pippin. He was published today on their site! This is actually the second time he's been famous. When he was a kitten I sent his picture into the 365 Cats Calendar and he was in the 2005 calendar. I think all this notoriety is going to his head.

When I posted this morning I was definitely feeling "I am a Rock" but now I'm feeling kind of, well, kind of Feeling Good. . .

Musical Monday

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Lord of the Rings!

I spent yesterday at my Dad's place watching the new Blu-ray version of Lord of the Rings. He has a 52" tv and the picture was absolutely incredible! I'm not a techie person and don't know much, ok anything, about film quality and stuff like that but even I could see the difference. It really felt like you were part of the picture and the close-up views are amazing. If you're a LOTR fan you have to see this version. And definitely on a large television. My tv is 13" and it would have been wasteful to watch on that!

We only managed to get through the first two movies so I'm going to have to go back another day to watch the last one. It was a long day though. We started watching around 11:30 I think and finished about 6:30. There were breaks but even so it's a long process. Definitely an enjoyable one though and I'm looking forward to seeing the last movie!

My cats weren't very happy with me though. I was gone about 13 hours and they aren't used to being alone. One of them only eats wet food so when I leave for a long time I put his bowl on a pan of ice to keep it cold. This has always worked fine in the past but he has a new bowl that's shallow. The ice of course melted and his bowl sank instead of floating. When I got home it was covered in water and he was very hungry. Fortunately I had left another bowl also which he'd eaten but he still feels he was mistreated. I guess I'll get some turkey today for him. Hopefully that will get him to forgive me!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Random Questions

My mind is pretty blank this morning so I'm going with a meme. Please share your answers! I'm going to an exclusive blu-ray edition showing of the Lord of the Rings later today. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow but now I've got to answer these and get some sleep!

If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? French

What’s your life motto? A quote from Shelley: Fear not for the future. Weep not for the past. Not that I always follow that advice. . .

Are you touchy-feely? Definitely not

What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? I Walk the Line

Do you sing in the shower? No

What’s the last song you sang? Staying Alive. I was, believe it or not, singing this & dancing in my living room with my cat yesterday. Cat was not so thrilled with me.

What time did you wake up this morning? 6:00 am. Not by choice, my cat woke me up. I think it was his revenge for the dancing/singing thing.

What are your plans for the weekend? I'm going to volunteer at a cat adoption center.

What are you reading now? Asking for Murder, The Stargazey, Imagining London

What do you like most about yourself? I'm thoughtful

Thursday, April 22, 2010

One Small Change


Today is Earth Day and the final day of the One Small Change challenge that I've been participating in this year. I had fun doing it and it's made me more aware of bad habits that I have. So far I'm sticking with all my changes. I've had a few mishaps, drank one or two cokes, turned on my heater when I didn't need to, but overall I'm doing pretty good. Although I'm not walking as much as I should. I haven't walked to the store at all in April. I guess I'd better get busy!

I'm sure you all memorized my changes but here they are just in case you forgot:

January - Walk to the store at least once a week instead of driving. Bring cloth bags to avoid the plastic or paper choice.
February - Keep heater off unless it gets below 65 in my apartment.
March - Quit drinking diet coke.
April - Use less water. I think I've done best with this one. I'm paying attention every time I turn on the water and am not letting it run any longer than necessary.

I'm planning to continue with the changes and hopefully start some others. There are a couple of things that I'm not doing now, like using paper towels, because money is so tight. When that isn't the case (hopefully soon!) we'll see if I can maintain those changes!

I think the important part of this, at least for me, was making me aware of what I do. Like most of us, I tend to do things the easy way and not think about the impact on the environment, other people and myself. It's good to think. Painful sometimes, but good!

The picture doesn't really have anything to do with the post but it seemed like an Earth Day type of picture. I'm not sure where it was taken - it's one of my daughter's pictures that I stole. Well I guess it isn't stealing, it's on my computer! Anyway if you read this Jill maybe you can tell me where the picture was taken. I thought it was nice!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Poetry Day

As promised yesterday, here's a poem from the book I got at the library, The Trouble With Poetry by Billy Collins. Don't forget it's still National Poetry Month! Hopefully you are all reading a poem daily. Billy Collins was the US Poet Laureate from 2001-2003. During his tenure he created the Poetry 180 program to introduce high school students to a poem everyday for the school year. I like his poems. They are accessible but not easy if that makes sense. I think this one is a good example of that. As you read it you think he's going to end up with that "worn truth" but he takes it somewhere else.

The Lanyard

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Kind of miscellaneous stuff

On Saturday I went to a new library, the Carmichael branch.You all can't get over my exciting life can you! I went specifically because they had a book on birds that I wanted to get but it turned out not to look great. I did find another one though, Birds of Northern California. It looks pretty good and has great pictures! I also found a book of poems by Billy Collins (guess what tomorrow's post will be!). So that was my exciting Saturday.

Sunday I did not turn my computer on all day. This was the second Sunday I've attempted to be computer free. The first one I caved about 7:30 pm but I made it all the way through this week. Admittedly I had my iPhone turned on and handy. My plan for next Sunday is no computer and no iPhone. I may be climbing the walls by Monday morning. It's nice though difficult to have the computer turned off. I'm on the computer and usually online about 10-12 hours a day. I love being online but really feel like I need a break one day a week. I kept walking past The Computer yesterday and thinking I could just turn it on for five minutes. I didn't though because I knew the five minutes would end up being all day. Instead I spent the day relaxing, reading and occasionally sneaking a peek at my phone just in case I was missing something!

Anyway that made me feel good as did the realization that I've been keeping to my posting everyday commitment. Today is April 20th and I haven't missed one day! I've also been keeping up with my napowrimo challenge. I have written 19 poems so far and will do the 20th later today. Pretty good I think!

Today is also my 6-month anniversary of moving to Sacramento! I feel like I should celebrate somehow so I'll have to think of something special to do today.

And last but not least, my Mountain Bluebird appears to have turned into a Scrub Jay. My daughter emailed me and said she thought it looked more like a Scrub Jay. After comparing pictures and reading about habitats I'm inclined to agree with her. I liked the name Mountain Bluebird better though!


Sign out in front of Carmichael Library.


Library wall art - I thought it was pretty cool!


Some apartments I drove past. I just liked the way they looked.



Another apartment building I went past. I really liked this one, especially the color!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Some pictures


My grass is growing amazingly fast! I think I can almost see it growing. I guess another day or so and I'll put it down for my cats. Then I'd better plant more because it'll go fast!


This is Pippin. He was relaxing in the sun and turned to look at me so I got a really cute picture of him!



I think this is a Mountain Bluebird. It was on the fence outside my window and was kind enough to stay and allow me to take a picture and look at the bird book. This is the first bird I've been able to get a picture of and I was very excited!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday Night Music

LOTR Quotes

For the past couple of weeks I've been re-reading the Lord of the Rings. I have read it a time or two before, maybe 20 times actually! It's my favorite story and I never get tired of reading it or watching the movies. Anyway since I'm feeling lazy today I thought I'd make an easy post and share a few of my favorite quotes. Note I said few, there are lots more I can share later!

I've always wanted to call someone a foul dwimmerlaik. I'm just afraid they'll look at me blankly and laugh. Oh well, maybe I'll try it anyway someday. I actually have a pretty long list of people the term could be applied to!

The different color text doesn't mean anything - it's just that some are long and I wanted it to be easier to read. Hopefully the colors don't look odd on your computer!

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Begone foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Leave the dead in peace!'
A cold voice answered: 'Come not between the Nazgul and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shriveled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.'
A sword rang as it was drawn. 'Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may.'
'Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!'
Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel. 'But no living man am I! You look upon a woman! Eowyn I am, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you if you touch him.'

"Here do I swear fealty and service to Gondor, and to the Lord and Steward of the realm, to speak and to be silent, to do and to let be, to come and to go, in need or plenty, in peace or war, in living or dying, from this hour henceforth, until my lord release me, or death take me, or the world end."
"I will not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given: fealty with love, valour with honour, oath-breaking with vengeance."

Not so hasty! You call yourselves hobbits? But you should not go telling just anybody. You'll be letting out your own right names if you're not careful.

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.

'What do you fear, lady?' he asked.
'A cage,' she said. 'To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire. '

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,' said Gimli.
'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.'
'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli.
'Or break it,' said Elrond.

'I will take the Ring,' he said, 'though I do not know the way.'

Thursday, April 15, 2010

It's Growing!

The last time my daughter visited she gave me a package of grass seed to plant. One of my cats loves to chew on grass and what she (my daughter) had left before was dead. I finally got around to planting them Monday afternoon and look how well they're doing already! For some reason this pleases me a great deal. I keep going out and staring at them. Hopefully I won't overwater - I'm trying to be careful though. My worst gardening habit is a belief that there is no such thing as overwatering.

Since I was taking pictures I thought I'd share my tulips also. I went to Trader Joe's tonight and saw these. Sometimes being poor can force you into good choices. I had this thought in the back of my mind that maybe I'd buy cookies for me. Then I saw the tulips and really wanted them. They were $3.49, about the same as cookies. As you can see I went with the tulips. All in all a much better choice I think! 





Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Search Stories

Have you seen this? It's called Google Search Stories and you can create a short (35 sec) video that you can then publish to YouTube. It's very easy to do. You just enter 7 search terms and choose whether you want to search the web, blogs, images, maps, news products or books. Once that's done you get to choose some music to go with it and when you're satisfied, you can publish. I've done two so far and I'll probably do more, they're kind of addictive. If you do one and want to share, send me the link. I'd love to see it!




Tuesday, April 13, 2010

National Library Week


April 11-17 is National Library Week! If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you've probably caught on that I love libraries. When I'm happy I go to the library and feel happier and when I'm sad I go and feel better. How can you not feel better? Surrounded by all those books. And they're free! You can check them out, bring them home with you and spend as long as you want (ok, three weeks, longer if there's no hold!), curled up reading, getting lost in another world, learning something new or just admiring the big stack on your living room floor.

Yeah that's where mine usually sit. I wonder where other people keep their library books? I like to have them close by so I can pick up one and read whenever I feel like it. I have books all over but usually the library books stay in the living room. It may not be much decor-wise but it makes me happy.Also it's easier to find them when they are due!

The biggest library I've been in is The British Library. I could gladly have stayed there forever and I left part of my heart behind when I left. Probably the smallest is the Niles Branch in Alameda County. And, in all honesty, I left part of my heart there also. I do every time I leave a library. And every time I close a book. I love books and I love to read. It's just such a magical thing to be able to pick up a book and read it.

Yesterday I read The Children of Hurin, by J.R.R. Tolkien. Curled up on the couch with my cats and reading a book. I can't think of a better way to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon. I actually had this book, I'd bought it quite awhile ago but hadn't got around to reading it yet. But if I hadn't owned it I could have gone to the library and borrowed it.

When I have money I buy a lot of books but I still go to the library. I'm always surprised when someone tells me they don't go to libraries. How can you possibly read everything you want if you don't? You can find what you didn't know you needed by browsing the books! Even if I were wealthy someday (not very likely to happen!), I'd still go to the library. It would be impossible for me to ever buy all the books I want. And often there are books that I read that I don't want to keep. It's nice to be able to borrow, read and then return them.

This turned into something of a rambling post. My point with all this is to say Use Your Library! Support Libraries! And be thankful that they are available!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Poems, poems, poems

This is the first poem by Ellen Bass that I've read and I really liked it. Check her web site to read a couple more if you'd like. They are very good.

Gate C22

At gate C22 in the Portland airport
a man in a broad-band leather hat kissed
a woman arriving from Orange County.
They kissed and kissed and kissed. Long after
the other passengers clicked the handles of their carry-ons
and wheeled briskly toward short-term parking,
the couple stood there, arms wrapped around each other
like he'd just staggered off the boat at Ellis Island,
like she'd been released at last from ICU, snapped
out of a coma, survived bone cancer, made it down
from Annapurna in only the clothes she was wearing.

Neither of them was young. His beard was gray.
She carried a few extra pounds you could imagine
her saying she had to lose. But they kissed lavish
kisses like the ocean in the early morning,
the way it gathers and swells, sucking
each rock under, swallowing it
again and again. We were all watching--
passengers waiting for the delayed flight
to San Jose, the stewardesses, the pilots,
the aproned woman icing Cinnabons, the man selling
sunglasses. We couldn't look away. We could
taste the kisses crushed in our mouths.

But the best part was his face. When he drew back
and looked at her, his smile soft with wonder, almost
as though he were a mother still open from giving birth,
as your mother must have looked at you, no matter
what happened after--if she beat you or left you or
you're lonely now--you once lay there, the vernix
not yet wiped off, and someone gazed at you
as if you were the first sunrise seen from the Earth.
The whole wing of the airport hushed,
all of us trying to slip into that woman's middle-aged body,
her plaid Bermuda shorts, sleeveless blouse, glasses,
little gold hoop earrings, tilting our heads up.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Said I'd post every day. . .

April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.


from The Wasteland by T.S. Eliot

Seriously this is true. I haven't had a good April for at least 20 years. This month is definitely no exception. I was going to skip posting today but I really want to keep to my commitment of posting everyday. That means you're stuck listening to my boring tale because I'm still too miserable to think of anything else to post.

This has just been an awful week and the bad part is that probably 90% of it is my own fault. Oh fine I guess I should be honest - 100% of it is definitely my fault. I have done some massively stupid things in my life but I did two stupid things this week that make everything else I've done look smart. Sorry to be vague but they aren't really things I can post. I'm just bemoaning my stupidity and hoping I've learned from it. It makes me think of this quote: Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. - Franklin P. Jones

Unfortunately I recognized both as mistakes even before following through. You'd think someone my age - well you can finish the sentence I guess.So today is April 9th. I don't know, maybe the month can be salvaged but I'm not hopeful.

Next year I'm going to skip April. I'm not sure how but I have a year to figure something out.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Birds



I'm a little worried. I've been watching birds outside my window lately and wondering what kind they were. Last week I got a field guide to birds from the library so I could figure out what I was looking at. I don't know about the rest of you but my image of a birdwatcher is of someone about 70, kind of geeky and boring who goes around peering into a book or looking at the sky all the time. Oops aside from the age I guess that is me.

Seriously though I'm not mocking bird watchers! It's pretty interesting watching the birds but everytime I see one by the time I grab my camera and/or book the bird is gone. I think these are two that I've seen outside my window - a bluebird and a robin. I'm studying the book so that hopefully I'll eventually be able to identify them without having to page through the guide. I guess this is my newest hobby - birdwatching. Maybe I am old. At least it's something I can share with my cats!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Another poem

Don't forget April is National Poetry Month. Read a poem. Read two poems. You can start here. Today's poem is by Tony Hoagland. I particularly like these lines: you’ll hit someone with a Ph.D./in sensitivity.

When I was working in Berkeley a number of years ago, I used Merry Christmas in something I wrote for employee distribution. My boss said to me, "This is Berkeley darling, we say Happy Holidays." Indeed.


Here In Berkeley

the jogger with the Rastafarian sweats
runs past the mechanic reading Marx on lunch break
with a sprout sandwich for a bookmark
as the sunlight through a bottle of Perrier
wobbles little rainbows on his knee.

On the corner, someone wearing I Ching earrings
is talking about personal space,
how she just can’t take it anymore,
the way that Marcia’s codependency
defeats her own empowerment.
“The whole seminar is out of whack,” she says,
slapping a bouquet of daisies on her knee.

Close your eyes,
swing a baguette horizontally,
you’ll hit someone with a Ph.D.
in sensitivity,
someone who,
if not a therapist himself,
will offer you the number of his therapist,

which—it may take you years
to figure out—is a hostile act on his part
designed to send you on a wild-goose chase
through the orchard of your childhood
to fetch the tarnished apple of your mother’s love.

And if you don’t like it,
there might be something
wrong with you. You might be so
reincarnationally headed
in the wrong direction,
that you can’t hear the music hovering
above this zone of crystal vendors
and karmic mountaineers.

Now the traffic lights harmonically converge:
the traffic flows
past the bakeries and bookstores,
past the cappuccino depot and the acupuncture center.

No matter how you feel, you have to act
like you are very popular with yourself;
very relaxed and purposeful,
very unconfused
and not
like you are walking through the sunshine
singing
in chains.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

No Sacrifice

I spent Easter at my sister's house and a conversation we had started me thinking. My nephew is 13, an age not noted for kindness to one's siblings and we were telling him he should be nice to his sisters. He wanted to know why and someone said jokingly that maybe he'd need a kidney one day. He scoffed at the thought that he'd give or receive one from his sisters and informed his mother and I that we wouldn't do it either. My sister and I both replied that of course we would. I realized that it wouldn't occur to me to question that one of my siblings would give me a kidney if circumstances warranted it. Certainly I would give them one without hesitation.

I wonder if that's true for the majority of siblings? If you have siblings would you give them a kidney? Would you have to think about it? Maybe an even harder question, would you ask? I'm fairly close to both my sisters and my brother but does that make a difference? I'm just curious what other people think about this.

Now it's possible my other sister and brother may read this and think I'm delusional to believe this. I would be surprised though. And despite his scoffing, I suspect that one day my nephew will feel the same way about his sisters.

I'm the oldest - the cute one at the top in the picture! I think this was taken at or near Easter in 1963.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Musical Monday

If you're feeling sleepy turn the volume up and listen to this. It should wake you up. I first heard this music on a Remington Steele episode. If you click on the link it goes to a page where you can watch the entire episode. Or you can come visit me and watch all of them. I have the entire series! I rather like Pierce Brosnan. Notice how I'm mentioning his name? Hopefully when he searches for online mentions he'll find my blog and figure he should come visit me. Probably not too likely huh? Oh well. I should mention that I think he's the best looking man I've ever seen. Think that'll get him? Ok, don't tell Pierce but actually I think Cary Grant is just a teeny bit more handsome but since he's dead. . . .


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Keeping track

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm doing the napowrimo challenge to write a poem every day for the month of April. A lot of people doing this are posting the poems to their blogs but I'm not ready to do that. I did want to keep track on my blog though so I made a little box on the side where I'll put a hash mark for everyday I've written a poem. (It's the box that says napowrimo status in case you wondered!) You'll notice there are 3 marks today and the date is April 3rd. I'm on schedule so far!

Do it your way

I read a post the other day on the Gaping Void blog that I really liked. I’m going to quote a long part of it here:
We do live in a society with norms about what we can and cannot share, what we can and cannot do, but as Einstein once said: “if the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.” That’s what I want to do – I want to change the facts.

Your wants are beautiful, your truths are powerful. Maybe you want to sleep on a pier or share a fairytale kiss under every triumphal arch in the world. Maybe you dream of diving the wreckage of a galleon or quitting your job and starting your own company.

They’ll say you’re crazy. They’ll say, “I wish I could be as impulsive as you are,” and that you should grow up. Life isn’t like that – there are norms, you know. There are ways to do things. You don’t talk to people at the security line at the airport. You get through it as fast as possible, go to your gate, wait for them to board you, sit down and be quiet. You go to your job, bust your ass, go home, change, go to some social thing, entertain the same questions, go home, watch bad television and do it all over again. Polite, proper, efficient. That’s life, right? Then you get old and maybe play some golf, then you die.

Fuck no.

The only way to remember who you are is to refuse to let anyone or anything dictate what you want. I write to share my triumphs and defeats and to remind you that wanting something other than herd-like, soul-crushing monotony is not only natural, but necessary.


Since I read this I’ve been unable to get it out of my mind. I have this whole long list of stuff that I want to do and an even longer list of facts to explain why I can’t do most of it. I’m going to start changing the facts. I don’t want to get old and be polite and proper and play golf. I don’t want to watch television and do the same thing every day. I want to live my life. I want to talk to people and share and not run away because I’m afraid.

I think that moving to Sacramento was a start for me. I’ve made a few mistakes since. But you know what I realized? It doesn’t matter. I did a couple of things that probably made me look silly (oh fine, more than a couple). I got more than a little hurt a time or two. And I don’t really care. I wouldn’t change anything because these have been the best months of my life.

I want to stand up and yell at people, “don’t settle, don’t do what you think you’re supposed to. Do what you want, what you love, what makes you alive.” I know, better than many people, how difficult that can be and how silly it can sound sometimes. I also know, better than many people, how happy and free and alive you can feel if you heed the advice.

I’m 52 years old. I waited a long time to listen. You don’t have to wait that long if you’re young and if you’re old, well it still isn’t too late. It’s better to live the way you want for a week than never to have done it at all. There is no safety, no security for any of us. Life is uncertain, horribly sad and scary. It's also wonderful and joyous but only if you're paying attention and accepting what comes along with an open mind and heart.

There you have my philosophical rambling for the month!

Friday, April 2, 2010

10 Books

I read this article the other day about the 10 books that have most influenced you. It took me about 10 minutes to come up with a list. I love reading other people's lists but they all seem to sound more intellectual than mine. . . oh well. Anyway here's my list and I'd love it if other people would share their list! These are not in any particular order

Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien - One of my favorite books. I've read it probably 20 times. I can quote portions of it. I'm not sure how to explain how it influenced me but I'd definitely be a different person if I hadn't read this book. I doubt a better one.

Little Women - Louisa May Alcott - I read this so many times when I was a teenager which probably explains a lot. I was always torn between wanting to be Meg or Jo.

The Symposium - Plato - I first read this in a philosophy class many, many years ago. The professor in his introduction said that the best things don't come easily so beware of falling in love overnight. Advice I should have heeded. . .

Harriet the Spy - Louise Fitzhugh - Another one I read & reread when I was young. I'm pretty sure it contributed to my overly secretive nature!

Cities in Flight - James Blish - I'm not much of a sci-fi fan but I love this story. I don't think I can explain how it influenced me, it's just one my favorite books. Definitely one I'd take to a desert island. I've read 4-5 times and will read it again.

The Artist's Way - Julia Cameron - If I hadn't read this I doubt I'd have been able to share my writing, do a bead project or anything else creative. It helped me believe in and trust myself.

Perry Mason Books - Erle Stanley Gardner - Ok, this is kind of a cheat because it's way, way more than one book! I read all the Perry Mason books when I was young. I'm an avid mystery lover and attribute that to reading these.

The Four Loves - C.S. Lewis - I'm a C.S. Lewis fan and have read most everything he wrote. This has always been my favorite.

A Crown for Elizabeth - Mary M. Luke - This was one of the first, if not the first, book that I read about Elizabeth Tudor. I was about 13 or 14 I think and it started a lifelong interest in Elizabeth and Tudor England.

Cannery Row - John Steinbeck - I like Steinbeck, he's one of my favorite writers. And I love the opening to this story: "Cannery Row in Monterey in California is a poem, a stink, a grating noise, a quality of light, a tone, a habit, a nostalgia, a dream."

Thursday, April 1, 2010

National Poetry Month

April is National Poetry Month so I'm going to be sharing quite a few poems throughout the month. This first one is by Robert Frost.


Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world, and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question "Whither?"

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?