Happy New Year!

On Being Afraid

I get scared a lot. If you know me I'm sure you're shocked because I seem like such a together, calm, confident person. (I'm hearing a LOT of laughter.) Anyway. . . I have many ways of coping, some of which involve simply falling apart or calling someone and crying hysterically for awhile. Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly grown-up I try and rationally think about why I'm afraid and deal with it like an adult. That probably happens once every 2-3 years. What I do a lot of times though is use quotes, books or music to remind myself that everyone gets scared and just getting in and doing things will help me get over it. So in case you're sitting around bored tonight I'll share a few of my favorites!

I have a lot of favorite quotes but the one I like best is this: Fear not for the future. Weep not for the past. ~Percy Bysshe Shelley. Probably my second favorite is: You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Here's Neil Diamond singing What's It Gonna Be. I met someone for lunch today (this was the 2nd date!) and I was listening to this as I drove over there. I've listened to it before all the other "coffee dates" I've had (most of which were with total losers). It helps me remember that I have to take some chances and get out and meet people no matter how scary it is.




Johnny Cash singing I Won't Back Down. Sometimes, ok about 20 times a day, I want to run back to a relationship that felt safe even though it wasn't good for me. This song always helps me remember that I want to stay where I am and move forward.




This is a scene from The Return of the King. The armies of middle earth were facing Sauron believing there was no hope. This is Aragorn's speech to them. There may be a day I give up, pull the covers over my head and let the dragon win. But it is not this day. I put this on my iphone so I can listen to it easily! Ok, the rest of the truth is I just like Viggo Mortensen!




Last one but far from least. The Stairsteps singing Ooh Child. After my mother died I kept hearing this song a lot for some reason and it felt like she was telling me to just hold on and things would get easier. Kind of silly I guess but it always made me feel better. I cry most every time I hear this song but it also helps me feel better. I wasn't going to share this one but I figured I've already shared so much stuff on my blogs that I might as well!

On Resolutions

I love making New Years resolutions. I love making lists and it makes me feel organized, competent, complacent, superior and many other disgusting things. Of course the feeling only lasts about 5 minutes which is how long I generally keep the resolutions. Last year instead of making any resolutions I went with an idea I read about on a blog about choosing a word for the year. The word I chose last year was simplify and while I didn't blog about it (or admittedly think about it all the time) I did manage both willingly and unwillingly to simplify my life in quite a few areas. I've been thinking about choosing a word for 2010 and reading some blog posts about different words people have chosen. I even had a fairly long list of words written down but nothing felt right to me.

I've made a lot of changes in my life during 2009, especially in the last two months. I've been thinking a lot about other ways I'd like to change although I think change may not be the word I want. I think grow is a better word. Most everything I think about is something I've known that I wanted to do for a long time. It's often fear that has stopped me, sometimes laziness and sometimes just a stubborn determination to see how stupidly harmful to myself I can be.

So. . . as I was thinking all these fascinating thoughts it made me think about one of my favorite quotes. Instead of resolutions or a word for 2010 I've decided that I'm going to work on doing the things I want/need to do and NOT doing the things that I know are harmful. It sounds kind of easy on the surface but given my past history I guarantee you it isn't! So here you have it, my quote for 2010:

We have left undone those things which we ought to have done, and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
~Book of Common Prayer

I looked up ought (lest you wonder, I did know what it meant - I like to look up words to be exact) and the definition I found was "used to express obligation." This fits very well I think - the things I want are obligations I have to myself if I want to be the best person I can.

Note: This starts January 1. That means I have 2 days to do those things which I ought not to do (of which I have a list also!).

Christmas Lights

I walked around my neighborhood last night and took some pictures of decorated houses. They sort of came out ok but not great. Since I braved the cold to do it I thought I'd go ahead and post them anyway!

Musical Monday

Silent Sunday

Merry Christmas!