Regret and the Danes

Generally I don't regret much. I don't find much value in the process of regretting something, so I generally don't do it. Generally, I say. There are one or two things that I've done, however, that I do regret. On the other hand, I am where and who I am today because of every little thing I've done in the past — large or small, mean or noble — and I'd rather not change that much about who I am, so maybe I don't really have any regrets after all. What about the rest of you? Do any of you really want to change who you are, or is it that you want to change what you do? How you do it? Where you do it? And with whom you do it?

Soren Kierkegaard, one of my favorite philosophers — was a Danish man who intellectualized every aspect of his life, whether personal, professional or emotional. In September of 1840, Kierkegaard — who was 27 at the time — became engaged to Regine Olsen who was 18. By October of 1841, Kierkegaard had broken off his engagement with the young Ms. Olsen and it was a decision that was to inform his life and his philosophy profoundly and in ways that are far beyond my modicum of knowledge in the field. One oft-quoted concept of his that clearly was born from that event I cite below. It provides, I think, an interesting perspective on the whole concept of action, inaction, regret and life in general. Here you go:

Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Whether you laugh at the stupidities of the world or you weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Whether you trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, and you will regret it either way. Whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. This, gentleman, is the quintessence of all the wisdom of life.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with Mr. Kierkegaard, but he certainly has a perspective that one should listen to...or not...either way, you may regret it.