New Years Eve

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

I have big plans for New Years Eve. I plan to let go of 2010 (and some leftover from 2009). I was thinking about making resolutions which is pointless as I generally break them within 5 minutes. 2010 was a hard year for me. There have been a lot of changes in my life in the past couple of years, some good, many not so good. I'm not a person who easily lets go - I brood and worry and wonder what I could have done differently.

So I decided I need a cleansing ritual. Now I have to admit that when the idea first popped into my head it felt weird. I thought I wasn't a person who is "into" rituals. As I thought about it I realized that I love birthdays and Christmas and holidays - all rituals, all ways to celebrate something. My cleansing ritual is going to be a way to celebrate letting go of a lot of stuff that I don't want to carry around anymore. Lots and lots and lots and lots and, well you get the idea, of emotional baggage and worries and fears that I'm tired of holding onto.

I haven't worked out all the details but I'm going to start by cleaning my apartment Friday morning and taking some stuff to Goodwill. I was looking online for ideas and found a suggestion to write the things you're letting go of on a piece of paper and burn them. I'm a bit worried I'll start a bonfire - there's a lot of stuff I need to let go of. But this feels like a good thing to me. Sad, because I'm letting go of people I loved but I'm also letting go of resentments and anger that is only hurting me. In moving to Sacramento I've made a new life for myself. It's been difficult and I imagine it will be in the future but it's my life and I need to give up some things that tied me to an old life.

So that's my plan for New Years Eve. And as I write this memories come creeping in and I wonder if I can really let go. I guess it's ok to cry while you burn the paper?

Musical Monday

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Day!

A Question

One of the places I "like" on Facebook is called Owning Pink. It's the Facebook page of a website devoted to empowering women to claim, in the words of the founder, Dr. Lissa Rankin,the parts of themselves that are most true, most authentic, and most magnificent. Dr. Rankin is an ob/gyn and the site and her new book, What's Up Down There, provides answers to questions that quite often we don't really want to ask anyone!

None of that is really the point of this post. She posted a question on Facebook and I wanted to borrow it and I hate to do that without attribution. Since I was going to explain where I got the question I thought I'd go ahead and share the links to the Owning Pink website because I think it's pretty cool!

After that rather long explanation, here's the question: What kind of candy are you? I answered it in about one second and thought it was a great question so I thought I'd see if anyone else wants to answer.

I'm a Big Cherry Candy Bar. It's chocolate with peanuts wrapped around a cherry. I think this describes me quite well (also I like them...). I'm kind of chocolatey and a little crunchy sometimes but underneath it I'm very sweet! Ok kind of silly but share anyway - what kind of candy are you?

Some Christmas Music!

I'm feeling very Christmasy and peaceful tonight. I finished my beaded Christmas tree (but can't post a picture because I need batteries for my camera!), started another one and I'm making some pale cookies. One of the Christmas cookies I make are called Cherry Chocolate Kisses. They have maraschino cherries in them & you add red food coloring so they look Christmasy and then put chocolate kisses on top. I bought everything I needed to make them except, yep, the red food coloring. . . I didn't want to go to the store so now I have pale cookies w/kisses on top. It's ok though, they taste the same! And now my apartment smells like almond extract which makes me happy. For some reason, probably from making Christmas cookies for so many years, I associate the smell of almond extract with Christmas.

It's been a difficult couple of months for me but I feel good tonight. I feel in control of my life and peaceful and happy. It's going to be a good Christmas and a wonderful New Year. This seemed an appropriate song!

December Poet: Emily Dickinson, Pt 2

Goodness it's December 21st and I'm only on my second poetry post! This month has gone very fast it seems like. I thought I'd combine mysteries and Emily Dickinson for this post. There are two mystery books I've read that focus on her and I was sure if I searched I'd find more. Unfortunately I didn't, so this is a very short list. If anyone is aware of others please share them!

Quieter than Sleep by Joanne Dobson
Emily Dickinson is Dead by Jane Langton

Short poems again so I'm sharing three!

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant---
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind---

* * *

I felt a cleavage in my mind
As if my brain had split;
I tried to match it, seam by seam,
But could not make them fit.
The thought behind I strove to join
Unto the thought before,
But sequence ravelled out of reach
Like balls upon a floor.

* * *

Love is anterior to life,
Posterior to death,
Initial of creation, and
The exponent of breath.

Eclipse

Wow three posts in one day. I think it's a record! I went outside to see if I could see the lunar eclipse. I was afraid it'd be cloudy but right outside my door I had a perfect view of the moon as it was entering this phase:
The most noticeable part of this eclipse will come when the moon begins to enter the Earth's dark inner shadow (called the umbra). A small scallop of darkness will begin to appear on the moon's left edge at 6:33 UT (on Dec. 21) corresponding to 1:33 a.m. EST or 10:33 p.m. PST (on Dec. 20).

I took the picture below from my patio and you can see the little bite out of the corner of the moon. Pretty cool! I wanted to try and take more pictures but unfortunately my batteries ran out and I don't have any more. I'm going to wait a little bit and then go out again and just look for awhile. It's cold outside though!

11:40 pm update: It's cloudy now & I can't see anything. Oh well, I guess I'll go to bed.

My beaded tree

I had a lot of fun yesterday - I went to a class to learn how to make a beaded Christmas tree! If you like beading check out my stitching blog to see it. It's not perfect but I'm happy with it!

Musical Monday

Silent Sunday

I guess it's official

I really am old. We had a holiday party at work tonight and I was politely chatting with someone and she mentioned needing glasses to see print as she is getting older. I commiserated and said it's harder for me too. Based on past experience she should have said, "oh you aren't that old." She didn't. This woman is probably 10-12 years older than me and I really don't think I look my age. She should have said I wasn't old. But she didn't. I think that means I'm officially old. I'm feeling rather disheartened tonight. Ok, I know how old I am, maybe the people who said I look younger were just being polite but still. I DON'T WANT TO BE OLD! Most of the time I honestly don't feel like I'm 53. I think in my head I'm about 30. I guess I don't look it though. . .

I was looking for an image and found this book listed on Amazon.  I guess the Universe is telling me to get used to it.

Standing on a soapbox today

I tend to shy away from "taking a stand" on issues. I think life is complex and it's sometimes difficult for me to give an absolute yes or no to something. I have strong opinions about issues but I'm nearly always open to listening to a different point of view and seeing the value of what someone else is saying. That said (I like that phrase), there are at least three issues that I'm adamant about. I'm sure I've mentioned them on this blog in the past and suspect I'll mention them again.

One is same-sex marriage. I don't believe it should be voted on or debated - it should be a given. Of course you have the right to marry anyone you choose no matter what gender. That's it. No discussion. 

The second is keeping libraries open and free to the public. Due to economic problems many communities have had library services cut and in some cases lost them completely. Admittedly this is somewhat selfish of me as I can't imagine life without lots of libraries! Seriously I think all communities deserve library service. I believe in knowledge and education and it begins through reading. If you're poor and can't buy books where do you go? The library. I could go on and on about this but I should get to my third issue since that's what the video is about!

So, third issue. Spay and neuter your pets! I found this video at The Conscious Cat blog and it made me cry (the video not the blog!). Our society has created an out-of-control pet population and refuses to take responsibility for it. If you have an animal and you aren't a responsible breeder than get it spayed/neutered. I don't see any other side to this. What I do see is what you'll see in the video - cats who will be killed because they have no home. Yeah kittens and puppies are cute. Not so much when they're dead. The second video, called Shelter Humor, is funny but it's also sad. Unfortunately there are people like that.

Musical Monday

More pictures

I took a bunch of pictures today so thought I'd add them as an addition to Silent Sunday. Although they do come with an explanation so I guess it isn't silent. Oh well.

The other night I went to the State Capital to take pictures of the official Christmas Tree. They didn't come out great because I just had my iphone and it doesn't do so well in the dark. I went back tonight and took more and they're a little better but not what I was hoping for. At least you can see the tree though - it's really pretty! I also took some pictures of a street with a bunch of leaves, my cats and some decorations.

After I left the Capital I went down by the river to take some pictures of the Tower Bridge. I love the Tower Bridge in Sacramento. It's my second favorite view here. I got some ok pictures (I'm not a great photographer) and walked for awhile which was nice. Then I decided I was going to get mugged so I left. Well hopefully not mugged but I was a little nervous. There weren't a lot of people around and two teenage boys came up and asked me for money. I said I didn't have any and they said ok and walked off but they were looking at my purse and camera and it made me kind of nervous. I walk fairly often at night and despite stories my siblings could tell you about barring doors, I don't scare all that easily. Just something about them made me decide it was time to go. I figure it's better to trust my instincts in that kind of situation!

Here's a few of the pictures and if you'd like to see the rest you can go to my Picasa web album and look at them.

Silent Sunday

Reading Challenges

A couple of years ago I signed up for a reading challenge but didn't finish it. Not because I didn't want to read but I got sidetracked into reading other stuff. Anyway. . . I thought I'd try again for 2011 so I'm joining two reading challenges.

The first is called The 50 States Reading Challenge and the challenge is to read books set in each of the 50 states. I thought this sounded fun. Offhand I can think of a few to put on my list (re-reads count so that helps!) but it's going to require some thinking and research to come up with a book for each state. I think it'll be fun though! Update: I'm working on this list and I think it is going to take awhile! If anyone has suggestions please share them. Particularly if you are from a certain state! Um, except California - I have a huge list in mind to choose from!

The second challenge is called the Vintage Mystery Reading Challenge. It's to read mysteries written before 1960. There are different levels to join at depending on how many books you want to read. I joined the Take 'Em to Trial level which is to read 16+ books. This will be very easy to generate a list for. I love mysteries and there are a lot of pre-1960 mysteries I still haven't read.

Oh phooey. While I was doing this post and putting in the links I found another challenge that sounded cool. So I'll do three. . .

The third (and final) challenge is called TBR Pile Challenge.This challenge is to read 12 books from your to be read pile within 12 months. They have to have been on your shelf for at least one year. I'm embarrassed to admit how high my TBR pile is. Let's just say I can find 12 without a problem. Note: The list for this challenge is now posted under the icon in sidebar!

Ok, I have to go get busy on my lists! I'll be posting my lists soon and beginning in January will post reviews and updates. Pretty exciting isn't it!

I liked this!

December Poet: Emily Dickinson

Yeah I know that's just way too easy choosing Emily Dickinson. But it's December and I have a lot to do and lots of things to think about and my cats need attention and anyway she's one of my favorite poets!

It seems kind of pointless to share biographical info as most people know the basic stuff. Throughout the month I'm going to see what I can find that isn't as well-known. For this first post though I thought I'd share some sites that are good sources of information. 

Dickinson Electronic Archives
Poets.org page on Emily Dickinson
Emily Dickinson Museum
Emily Dickinson International Society

Since there are so many poems to choose from I thought I'd share two today. If you have a favorite please share it in a comment - I'd love to hear!


There is a pain -- so utter --
It swallows substance up --
Then covers the Abyss with Trance --
So Memory can step
Around -- across -- upon it --
As one within a Swoon --
Goes safely -- where an open eye --
Would drop Him -- Bone by Bone.

*    *    *    *    *    *

It's all I have to bring today –
This, and my heart beside –
This, and my heart, and all the fields –
And all the meadows wide –
Be sure you count – should I forget
Some one the sum could tell –
This, and my heart, and all the Bees
Which in the Clover dwell.

Another Library & a short history lesson!

I haven't been doing great on finishing my library visits and now it's December and I still have 10 left. I was thinking maybe I should try and get them all in by the end of the year but decided that would make it seem like a chore. So I'll go slow and get the list finished in 2011!

Anyway I did visit a new branch on Saturday - the North Sacramento Hagginwood branch. It's a small library which is wonderful because I can look at all the books available in the subjects I'm interested in. I found an interesting book called The American River. I'm interested in reading more about the American and Sacramento rivers as they are rather prominent here! I also found a cool quilting book called Quilt Sensations.

At a minimum when I go to the library I always check the Sacramento history section, beading and quilting, mysteries, poetry and of course, Tudor history. In the Tudor history section I found Edward VI: The Lost King of England by Chris Skidmore. Edward VI was the only, much sacrificed for (at least on the part of Katherine, Anne & ok fine, Jane) son of Henry VIII. He became King on Henry's death in 1547 but died in 1553 at age 15. The book is good so far and anything on Tudor history is, of course, interesting to me. The only bothersome thing so far (I'm only 67 pgs into the book) is that in the introduction the author says "Two different strands make up Edward's reign: the personality of this Tudor king who was the most gifted of all his siblings; . . . "  I humbly (or not so humbly) beg to differ. Elizabeth was, without a doubt, the most gifted of the three Tudor children. From that belief I will never be moved! That aside I like the book so far!

Here's a couple of pictures of the library and some nearby street art.

Musical Monday

Silent Sunday

A Pippin Story

Six years ago when Pippin came to live with me, he spent the first couple of nights sleeping curled up underneath my chin. He was scared and I guess it felt safe to him. I tell him this story - kind of like telling your kids about when they were born - and I know that he understands me. I know this because almost every time I tell him the story he'll try to sleep underneath my chin that night! Really, truly I am not making this up!

The last week or so my upper back and neck have been hurting. I think I pulled a muscle in all the driving I did last last weekend. Anyway it was getting better until I made the mistake of telling Pippin his story last night. The first picture is the less than 2 lb kitten who originally slept underneath my chin. The second is the 14+ lb cat who repeatedly attempted to sleep there last night. Which is why my neck hurts a lot this morning!

A quote for you

As you've probably noticed I change the quote on this blog weekly. I have one Word file that is 27 pages long full of quotes plus various other smaller files devoted to quotes on specific subjects or people. I like quotes! Anyway this one is somewhat longer so I thought I'd share it in a post. I found this on a blog called The Happiness Project. It's an interesting blog and worth taking a look at.

I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming. ~Goethe