I found these on a blog awhile ago and thought they were funny. I can't remember where I saw them but the person was just quoting stuff they found in wandering the internet so I guess it's ok to pass them on unattributed!
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
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