Did anybody else watch Lost in Space when they were young? Remember the robot who'd wave his arms and say warning? He's waving his arms for this post - it's kind of a self-pity post but maybe after I write it I'll feel a little better. . . .
Today is my moving to Sacramento anniversary. I want a party and balloons and hearts and good food and champagne. Instead I ate a candy bar I didn't want and I'm sitting here kind of feeling sorry for myself. I haven't been posting much lately I know. The last couple of weeks have been hard for me. I moved here for a lot of reasons one being that I wanted to get away from a relationship and "start a new life." Maybe my expectations were too high. I don't know. It just feels like I haven't accomplished anything I wanted in the last year. And, witness my post of October 14th, I don't feel like I've done very well on starting over.
It isn't like I haven't tried either. I really have. I've done a lot of hard things, quite a few stupid things and maybe one or two smart ones. But I'm still not where I want to be and I don't feel like I'm any closer than I was a year ago.
I did one of those stress scale things where you rate the stress in your life over the past year - I scored 409. No wonder I'm upset and don't feel well. I actually think I missed a couple of things too. Ok, I don't know where this post is going. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to be somewhere else today - emotionally, mentally, socially, physically, I don't know - whatever other ways there are. I guess it's just a process and takes time. Right now it feels pretty hard.
However, in an attempt to end on a positive note, here's a clip from one of my favorite movies! Although, upon reflection, perhaps I should have gone with Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. . .
3 comments:
Hi Rob
Is anyone EVER where they wanted to be at any point in their life?
I think its all in your outlook and attitude.
At 59 I wanted to be quietly spending my days, just as I am now, but I thought I would come home to a quiet, clean house (like I left it in the morning) and have quiet suppers with Terry and spend my evenings doing whatever I wanted to do.
But as Karma would have it, I come home to things out of place and a few dishes in the sink and a dirty sock that one of the dogs has carried into the living room from Kys room. Never enough time for ME or US.
But I can't cry about it. I am grateful that we were able to give them all a place to be when they had nowhere.
Gratitude can play a HUGE part of your life if you will think about the good things.
Remember Like gets Like.
Don't feel guilty about the candy bar, afterall, you didn't eat TWO!
Have a Happy Day, Robin. Raise you face to the sun and soak in its warmth. Did you apply to the FBI yet? You must tell the Universe what you want, NOT what you DON;T want.
And THAT was you pep talk for the day!!
Lots of Love to you, friend.
Starting over and on your own. That is some scary stuff. It is no wonder you feel so bewildered and I think you are justified in your feelings.
Be nice to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for feeling blue. There is no shame. I think we need a little sadness in our lives to round it all out. It releases some of the stress, I think.
I just hope the sun comes out for you soon. Best wishes.
I forget (fairly often) to be nice to myself and instead get caught up in blaming myself for everything. It is scary. Some mornings I just want to pull the covers up and stay in bed all day. Thanks for reading and for your kind comments. Take care.
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