Pictures!

Some pictures of my new apartment! It actually looks somewhat neater now - I've put away a lot of stuff.

Moving Day!

I'm moving today! I think I've packed everything, I'm a little worried that I'm going to find a hidden closet full of stuff. I did manage to get rid of a lot of magazines, fabric and some books. I think I still have too much but I can go through things slowly as I unpack and hopefully get rid of more.

My cats are very nervous with all the packing and people looking at the house. I had originally planned to take them up with me today but I've decided it will be easier to wait a couple of days. That way I can get things a little organized and put all their stuff in place. Hopefully that will make the transition easier for them. The bad thing is it's a 1-1/2 hr drive to Sacramento. I think they are going to be very unhappy.

Anyway I guess I'd better get some sleep - it's going to be a long day!

I'm Moving!

I found out yesterday that I was approved for the apartment I wanted and I'll be moving in October 20th! I've been sitting here looking at all my stuff and wondering how I'm ever going to get it all moved. Then I realize: I don't care, I'm moving to Sacramento & I'm happy and I'll figure out what to do! There are so many things to worry about and I just don't care. I feel like this is the right thing to do and somehow things are going to work out. They have to - I'm mailing a security deposit and 1st months rent today so I'm committed!

It's a nice apartment. I was hoping to find something a little different but the places that I looked at were either really dumpy or expensive. This is, well kind of just a boring apartment, but it feels right to me. When I walked in the door I felt like I'd come home. It's in a small apartment complex in a nice neighborhood and I think it's going to be perfect for me. I'll post pictures eventually but for now I'd better get busy. I have an awful lot of stuff to pack!

Too much stuff!

I've started packing and it's kind of distressing. When I moved here two years ago I got rid of a lot of stuff. For some reason I had this idea that I didn't have a lot of things anymore! Unfortunately that is VERY far from true. I've packed, I don't know, about 10 boxes and I'm really shocked how much stuff I have. I'm trying to go through things and eliminate stuff rather than just dump it in a box.

Why do we hold onto things? I look at some of the stuff I've saved over the years and some is for sentimental reasons. A lot of it though is just because I think I might want it later or it seems wasteful to get rid of it. For example magazines. I'm a magazine collector and I have stacks and stacks of quilting and cross stitch magazines. I really don't want to keep most of them anymore but it's so hard to give things up! I've separated them into categories and decided to keep most of the cross-stitch ones. My daughter stitches and she's going to take a lot so it won't be like really getting rid of them. Most of the quilt magazines (over 200), I've listed on craigslist and am hoping to sell them to someone who will actually use them. So far no takers but I'm hopeful!

The physical act of getting rid of things isn't hard. It's really what it signifies. I threw out a lot of cooking magazines. I'm trying to eat healthier and I don't want to keep magazines full of comfort food recipes that tempt me. It's hard though - it feels like I'm throwing part of my life away. But it's good because it's an old life, one that I don't want, that doesn't fit anymore. And maybe throwing out stuff like magazines will make it easier to throw out some of the emotional baggage. I feel somewhat like Bilbo Baggins when he tried to give up the ring:

Bilbo stood for a moment tense and undecided. Presently he sighed. "All right," he said with an effort. "I will." Then he shrugged his shoulders, and smiled rather ruefully. "After all that's what this party business was all about, really: to give away lots of birthday presents, and somehow make it easier to give it away at the same time. It hasn't made it any easier in the end, but it would be a pity to waste all my preparations."

I'm afraid, as Bilbo found, throwing out physical stuff isn't going to make it any easier in the end, but I'm going to keep it up. If nothing else it means less stuff to move. And it would be a pity to waste all my preparations.

Going Home

I mailed my landlady a 30-day notice a couple of hours ago. Since then, instead of the panic I expected to feel, I've been feeling something that I haven't felt in a very, very long time: peace of mind. Actually I'm not sure I've ever felt it before but it sure feels nice.

I first started going to Sacramento on a regular basis in 1991. My daughter and I went every year for awhile to the now defunct Spirit of Cross-Stitch Festival. From the beginning I always had this thought that I'd like to live there someday. And I guess I'm really going to do it now. I've spent much of my life ignoring that little voice in my head. Well this time I'm listening to it and it's telling me that this is really the right thing to do, that it's where my future is, where I'm going to be happy. I feel like I'm going home and it feels good.

I'm a great quote collector and one I like is Leap and the net will appear. I certainly hope that's true because I still need to find a job and a place to live. Although I have a pretty good fabric stash, I suppose I can always stitch one up fast!

This is a clip of Going Home from Dvorak's Symphony No. 9, From the New World which is one of my favorites. I like bagpipes!

Sacramento

Well I'm finally getting around to writing about my apt hunting trip! Overall it was fun and not too scary. I looked at lots of apartments and narrowed down a couple of areas where I'd prefer to live. Fortunately there are a lot of rentals available right now so I think I won't have a problem. There were a couple I liked but they were pretty basic, boring apartments and I was hoping to find something with a little character. There are some great victorian houses there that have been divided into flats so I'm going back next week to look at some of those.

It was kind of fun to be driving around and thinking "I'm going to be living here soon." It felt sort of lonely at times but I think I'm going to be ok with it. The hardest thing was looking at the size of the apts! I'm living in a house right now that's about 1600 sq ft and an apartment looks so small in comparison. Guess that means more stuff I need to get rid of which is good!

Getting nervous

I'm going to Sacramento tomorrow to look for a place to live. I've wanted to move there for quite a while and I think I'm actually going to do it now. I'm getting very nervous though! I've lived in the SF Bay Area most of my life and I've lived with someone all my life. Now I'm planning to go off to strange city all by myself. I guess 52 is old enough? So today I'm going to look at apartments and not ask anyone else what they think. It will be all mine. I've been alternating between panic and excitement with panic generally winning! I really believe it's a good thing and that I'll be happy but it's scary. And it means leaving stuff that I'm not sure I'm ready to give up. I guess it's time though. I have bunches of places printed out to look at and I've already checked on the most important thing - they have plenty of libraries!