Look What I Found!

I think it's a feral cat colony. I was driving home and saw a little black and white cat that looked like Pippin. Then I noticed there were other cats and feeding bowls. I couldn't get pictures of the all the cats but it looked like there were at least 6-7.  They are near the freeway but there are a lot of bushes around and it looks like they hide in them. The 2nd picture shows the area where they are. Now I'm going to watch for them everyday. And probably worry. . .

Orange you glad . . .

I couldn't think of a catchy title for the color orange. All that came to mind was the knock-knock joke, "orange you glad I didn't say banana..." Anyway, on to orange. I had an appointment today about 30 minutes from home so I had more opportunity to find orange. It was harder than red! Aside from the obvious of Halloween decorations of course. I did pretty well though. My favorite is the Hagen's Orange Freeze sign. I had to turn around and go back to take that one! The picture with beads is a Halloween bracelet I am working on. Once I get it finished, I'll post another picture.

Seeing Red

I didn't forget about my blog - I've been sick. My doctor decided it was a sinus infection, which I have to admit I thought at first. I've since decided it was the flu and I am lucky to have survived. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. I went to work today - it's the first day I've been out since last Thursday. I did make a short trip Saturday to pick up a prescription but I don't think that counts. I was barely aware of my surroundings. Anyway, I am finally feeling better and back!

Today I'm going to post pictures of red things. I got this idea from a book I'm reading, A Paris Year: My Day-to-Day Adventures in the Most Romantic City in the World by Janice MacLeod. She mentions a book called Paris in Color by Nichole Robertson, a photographer who picked a different color each day to photograph.

Sadly, I am not in Paris and my surroundings aren't as interesting, but I decided to pick a color and see what I could find at home and on my drive to work. As you likely guessed from the post title, today was red. I'm sad to say I didn't see as much red as I thought I would and it was mostly kind of boring stuff. But it's what I see most days and it was fun. Although I'm probably lucky one of the pictures isn't the red lights of a police car pulling me over! I'll be more careful next time I think. In a couple of days I'll choose another color and try to organize them a little better. I'm pretty tired out now though.

Red roses at mid-left. A little hard to see!

Where's Wendy?

I took a couple of pictures of Halloween decorated houses today. This reminded me I need to get my tree out and put the Halloween ornaments on it. As usual, this also made me think about Wendy. Wendy the Windsock Ghost is (was) a ghost I made out of plastic canvas many years ago. She was about 8" high and had three sides stitched together to make a nice little ghost. She was stitched, since she's a ghost, with all white yarn. That was a LOT of white yarn and a lot of tedious stitching. I liked Wendy though and she was worth the work.

Sadly she disappeared one year and I haven't found her since. I don't know where good ghosts go but I hope that's where she went. I've thought about making another Wendy but it just doesn't seem right - she was one of a kind.

Anyway. . . that's my sad Halloween remembrance! This weekend I'll post some pictures of my tree. For now you can see the pictures I took today. They were both more impressive "in person."

Driving, singing, and halfway thinking

I drove to Oakland on Saturday to visit my Dad. It was about four hours total in the car so it was a lot of driving and plenty of time for singing and thinking.

I like to listen to music while I'm driving. I have a CD player but a few years ago a CD got stuck in it and I've never been able to get it out. It's a Johnny Cash CD and for quite a while it would play so it was ok. About a year ago it quit playing and now it's just stuck. It doesn't bother me much - I just listen to the radio. Usually I listen to the Eagle 96.9, Sacramento's classic rock station! But when I'm driving to the Bay Area I lose the signal after awhile and only get static. I haven't found a good Bay Area station to listen to so this means I'm on my own for music.

If you've heard me sing, you understand why I only do it under a certain circumstances: 1) alone in the car, 2) with my cats and 3) to annoy someone. I can only remember an approximate tune and words for a some songs so my repertoire is limited.

I started where I usually start with "I'd Rather Be Blue Over You" and then progressed to "When the Saints Come Marching In." A childhood spent in church has provided me with a fair number of hymns I can sing, so I'll go through those and then onto a few Christmas songs. There are some Frank Sinatra songs I can sing: "I've Got a Crush on You" and "I've Got You Under My Skin." The song I'm best at, in my opinion, is called "Rise and Shine." It's a kids song that my daughter learned when she was young and I actually think I sound halfway normal when I sing it! It's kind of catchy and is fun to sing.

Driving is kind of like meditation I've decided. It's easy to slip into a space where you aren't really thinking but you are. I guess that makes sense. Anyway that's what I do. I've come up with some amazing ideas while driving!

Saturday I was thinking about home. When I go to the Bay Area it's going home and despite eight years in Sacramento, part of me still belongs there. Especially in Castro Valley. I lived there at different times throughout my life - the last time before moving to Sacramento was for 27 years. It's still home to me. I stopped in Castro Valley to get gas and drove past my old place. It looked the same but a lot of other places have changed.

Anyway I spent the trip back thinking about home and what it means. My mother died in 1999 and part of me has not had a home since. To me, home is about belonging and feeling safe and loving people and being loved. Without my mother, some parts of me will never have a home.

Right now it's just me and my cats but that's home. When I open the door and they are sitting looking up at me I feel happy even if it's been a bad day. When my daughter and her boyfriend visit it feels like home. They are, in most ways, my closest family. I can relax and be comfortable and enjoy having people around that don't expect anything from me. When I visit my Dad it's home in a different way. He'll be 83 this month but he still makes me feel safe.

When I drove past my old apartment I felt like I could turn into the driveway and I'd be home. I lived there for 25 years. I have memories there I wouldn't give up for anything. And some I'd like to give up but can't. I spent the drive back to Sacramento thinking about home and being homesick and wondering where I belonged. When I turned into my driveway, I knew where I belonged: I was home and my cats were waiting inside and it's good.

Here's some pictures of my drive back through the Altamont Pass. There was an accident and traffic was stopped. It took about 30 minutes to go 2-3 miles.  I like going through the Altamont Pass because I like looking at the wind turbines. I had plenty of time to look on Saturday!

Welcome Back

It's been a long time! I've decided that I'd like to start keeping my blog again. I'm sure people have been waiting with barely concealed patience for this day. Well at least I haven't lost my sarcastic sense of humor.

There have been a lot of changes since my last post. I've moved twice, started a new job, lost some people (not through death) I didn't want to lose, lost some people (again, not death) I did want to lose (at least in retrospect), found some people that I wish I hadn't and found other people that I'm very glad to have found. I turned, I can hardly bear to say it, 60 in July. My cats turned 13 in August. They are doing pretty well. Pippin was diagnosed with kidney disease in 2014. His kidney values go down a bit each visit (every six months) but he is in good health and I hope that it will continue to progress slowly. As I tell him frequently, he is the love of my life and I just can't imagine being without him. Mellifera is healthy and grouchy but mostly sweet.

The outside changes are not as important as the inside ones (except when I look in the mirror). I have found that, along with Winnie the Pooh, I am braver than I believed and stronger than I seemed. And, while I may be stronger than I thought, I'm also vulnerable in ways I hadn't realized.

I feel how Frodo Baggins must have felt when he said: "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold."

I'm on the edge of  creating a new life - one that I want - not one I'm trying to live for other people.  It's scary. There are many days when I want to crawl under the covers and never come out. Mostly I don't though.  Soooo.... join me as I begin a new journey!

Lest you've forgotten, or never knew, what my cats look like, here they are!