It isn't me!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you. ~Rita Mae Brown

I have a daily quote gadget on my Google homepage and this was the quote for today. Since everyone I know is nuts I think that means that I'm fine! I was quite relieved to find this out. The only problem is apparently I have something wrong with my hearing. For years I thought they were saying I was crazy, I guess they were saying they were . . .

So that was the thought for today. I'd post more but I'm recovering from a 1-1/2 hr car trip with 2 cats. One of them meowed, loudly, almost the entire time. Now they are both hiding under my bed. Hopefully they'll recover but I'm not sure I will!

Musical Monday

Since I mentioned The Partridge Family a few weeks ago I thought I'd post one of their songs this week. I used to have a record album of their music. I don't know what happened to it but I bet it'd be worth a fortune now! Isn't David Cassidy cute!

Silent Sunday (sort of)

Happy Birthday Dad!

Pictures!

Some pictures of my new apartment! It actually looks somewhat neater now - I've put away a lot of stuff.

Poetry Day

A most appropriate poem to pass the time while I'm busy unpacking!

no leaders, please

invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
don't swim in the same slough.
invent yourself and then reinvent yourself
and
stay out of the clutches of mediocrity.

invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
change your tone and shape so often that they can
never
categorize you.

reinvigorate yourself and
accept what is
but only on the terms that you have invented
and reinvented.

be self-taught.

and reinvent your life because you must;
it is your life and
its history
and the present
belong only to
you.

~Charles Bukowski

Moving Day!

I'm moving today! I think I've packed everything, I'm a little worried that I'm going to find a hidden closet full of stuff. I did manage to get rid of a lot of magazines, fabric and some books. I think I still have too much but I can go through things slowly as I unpack and hopefully get rid of more.

My cats are very nervous with all the packing and people looking at the house. I had originally planned to take them up with me today but I've decided it will be easier to wait a couple of days. That way I can get things a little organized and put all their stuff in place. Hopefully that will make the transition easier for them. The bad thing is it's a 1-1/2 hr drive to Sacramento. I think they are going to be very unhappy.

Anyway I guess I'd better get some sleep - it's going to be a long day!

Musical Monday

Today is my sister Cindy's birthday so I thought this was appropriate! When we were kids my parents had a record with this song on it. I don't know if it was Shane Fenton singing or not (actually I don't know who he was!).

Silent Sunday

Bead Journal Project

I've been participating in the Bead Journal Project for the last year. This is a year long commitment to making a beaded project each month. It's been a lot of fun and I feel very proud of myself for finishing (I tend to procrastinate a lot!). My 12 projects now have a home in the Bead Journal Member's Gallery! Take a look and if you're inspired to start beading, sign-up for the 2010 project which begins in January.

My projects were all based on poems and each one I finished was my favorite at the time. Looking back, I think that my Venus figure is the one I like best:



It's based on a portion of the poem Transcendental Etude by Adrienne Rich:

But there come times –perhaps this is one of them—

when we have to take ourselves more seriously or die;

when we have to pull back from the incantations,

rhythms we’ve moved to thoughtlessly,

and disenthrall ourselves, bestow

ourselves to silence, or a severer listening, cleansed

of oratory, formulas, choruses, laments, static

crowding the wires. We cut the wires,

find ourselves in free-fall, as if

our true home were the undimensional

solitudes, the rift

in the Great Nebula.

No one who survives to speak

new language, has avoided this:

the cutting-away of an old force that held her

rooted to an old ground

the pitch of utter loneliness

where she herself and all creation

seem equally dispersed, weightless, her being a cry

to which no echo comes or can ever come.

I like it best for a lot of reasons. I've been trying to lose weight (with varying degrees of success) for quite a while and one thing the Venus figure symbolizes for me is how important it is to accept myself right now and be happy with myself. It's also important to work to change, to pull back from the incantations, rhythms we’ve moved to thoughtlessly. It's hard work though and often that pitch of utter loneliness gets to me. That's when I feel like everything I've done so far to change is pointless and all I'm doing is making another mistake. But I'm not and I'm going to keep working on change and things will work out!

Poetry Day

What it costs

Now it costs to say
I will survive, now when
my words coat my clenched
teeth with blood, now
when I have been yanked
off love like a diver
whose hose is cut.
I push against
the dizzying onslaught
of heavy dark water.
Up or down? While
the heart kicks
like a strangled rabbit
and the lungs buckle
like poor balloons:
I will survive.

I will lift the leaden
coffin lid of the surface
and thrust my face
into the air.
I will feel the sun’s
rough tongue on my face.
Then I’ll start swimming
toward the coast
that must somewhere
blur the horizon
with wheeling birds.

Marge Piercy

I'm Moving!

I found out yesterday that I was approved for the apartment I wanted and I'll be moving in October 20th! I've been sitting here looking at all my stuff and wondering how I'm ever going to get it all moved. Then I realize: I don't care, I'm moving to Sacramento & I'm happy and I'll figure out what to do! There are so many things to worry about and I just don't care. I feel like this is the right thing to do and somehow things are going to work out. They have to - I'm mailing a security deposit and 1st months rent today so I'm committed!

It's a nice apartment. I was hoping to find something a little different but the places that I looked at were either really dumpy or expensive. This is, well kind of just a boring apartment, but it feels right to me. When I walked in the door I felt like I'd come home. It's in a small apartment complex in a nice neighborhood and I think it's going to be perfect for me. I'll post pictures eventually but for now I'd better get busy. I have an awful lot of stuff to pack!

Musical Monday

Harry Connick, Jr. singing Yes We Can Can.

Silent Sunday

Poetry Day

We Have Not Come To Take Prisoners

We have not come here to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear,
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house
And shout to our reason
“O please, O please,
Come out and play.”

For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom and
Light!

-Hafez

Musical Monday

Eyes on the Prize, Bruce Springsteen. One of my favorite songs.

Silent Sunday (sort of)

This is my daughter Jill. No she really isn't a cat although she'd like to be. She went to a Fall Planting Party at Annie's Annuals, which is her favorite nursery. They had food, music, games and face painting! Anyway I thought she looked pretty cute & would make a good Silent Sunday picture. By the way, if you are a gardener check out her blog, Folia Salviarum. What Jill doesn't know about plants probably isn't worth knowing.

Too much stuff!

I've started packing and it's kind of distressing. When I moved here two years ago I got rid of a lot of stuff. For some reason I had this idea that I didn't have a lot of things anymore! Unfortunately that is VERY far from true. I've packed, I don't know, about 10 boxes and I'm really shocked how much stuff I have. I'm trying to go through things and eliminate stuff rather than just dump it in a box.

Why do we hold onto things? I look at some of the stuff I've saved over the years and some is for sentimental reasons. A lot of it though is just because I think I might want it later or it seems wasteful to get rid of it. For example magazines. I'm a magazine collector and I have stacks and stacks of quilting and cross stitch magazines. I really don't want to keep most of them anymore but it's so hard to give things up! I've separated them into categories and decided to keep most of the cross-stitch ones. My daughter stitches and she's going to take a lot so it won't be like really getting rid of them. Most of the quilt magazines (over 200), I've listed on craigslist and am hoping to sell them to someone who will actually use them. So far no takers but I'm hopeful!

The physical act of getting rid of things isn't hard. It's really what it signifies. I threw out a lot of cooking magazines. I'm trying to eat healthier and I don't want to keep magazines full of comfort food recipes that tempt me. It's hard though - it feels like I'm throwing part of my life away. But it's good because it's an old life, one that I don't want, that doesn't fit anymore. And maybe throwing out stuff like magazines will make it easier to throw out some of the emotional baggage. I feel somewhat like Bilbo Baggins when he tried to give up the ring:

Bilbo stood for a moment tense and undecided. Presently he sighed. "All right," he said with an effort. "I will." Then he shrugged his shoulders, and smiled rather ruefully. "After all that's what this party business was all about, really: to give away lots of birthday presents, and somehow make it easier to give it away at the same time. It hasn't made it any easier in the end, but it would be a pity to waste all my preparations."

I'm afraid, as Bilbo found, throwing out physical stuff isn't going to make it any easier in the end, but I'm going to keep it up. If nothing else it means less stuff to move. And it would be a pity to waste all my preparations.